Sunday. I took my nephew (no, not the one crying) to SM Wonderland. Just as i duck down to enter the playground or rather a safehouse for children of shopping parents, i begun reflecting.
Am i ready to parent?
NO! Was the quick answer. To children, the playground really was a wonderland. To me, it was a horror house with real little monsters. Shrieking, crying, shouting, running, petty tug-of-wars over toys, throwing toys etc etc etc. Not i didnt have colorful child years, but everything a normal kid does best horrified me. I simply cant attend such new need yet when i still have my selfish needs to accomplish. Though i practically lack focus in my life, i still believe accomplishing one thing before another. Otherwise, the meat remains raw. And though i highly tolerate most things including children, i am not sufficiently responsible parent yet-financially, emotionally. I cannot take bringing in another life on earth, as biblically demanded, and shortly cutting it because of hunger, disease, ignorance and sadness.
I believe God always provides and even poor families could still subsist, but i think multiplying is less greater than stewarding a better life.
I then remembered a toy hit my shoulder when i was starting this. I hope it wasn't God's strike of disapproval, rather a affirmative tap at my back, saying, "you get it right there, son" :-)
Life is wonderful. so,dont complicate. climb up over the top.you got to find out for yourself wether your true.give it a shot,shake and take control.once you hit the top, there is no stopping us now. it's easy if you try.it's tym to change.take a chance.
Better be happy now because the boy's gone home. Be happy with the way you are. Be happy that you made this far. This is something else. Got to be happy with the way you are. Got to be happy for everything you stand for.
This is my dinner of last night. Roti telor. A Brunei-Malaysian food, which is just simple bread or prata, mixed with egg. Simple and relatively equal with the regular pancake and Maranao's palaw apang. Eaten like the persian kebab, minus the meat and tomato. Real simple ey and nothing worth a single hooray. Aside from it was my first, the food was still great because of the curry sauce and you cant find roti telor anywhere in the country. Only in Zamboanga city, Basilan, Sulu and Tawi-tawi. i feasted another had cuisine-nasi ican goreng (fried fish) and nasi champor (mixed vegetables). Ye, another regular likely Filipino food or rice topping but differently cooked with Malaysian reasoning ang palm oil that meat eaters are guaranteed to taste vegetables. In sum, the dinner was not great, but perfect and definitely not my last, as this is just my appetizer. I will be in a gastronomic exploration, as i cross the islands of the Sulu sultanate
....last night was historical. Honestly historical. Not of the heavy rain that flooded DFA field, but of the premiere game between STD and DDS since...o well, old news. Though unofficial because there were only 4 DDS players, it was still historically premiere. And i damn miss such game, especially under heavy rain. I hope there would be more...
and a renewed relationship! :-D
as for Bayani, "unta mobalik na para mas lingaw ang Manila Spirits".
A cloud though still hazes between teams, im happy and smiling because it has gone thinner (kahit wala si odet ng iligan red horses, ang nagpakana ng game....THANK YOU SO MUCH,det)
Ultimate!
"If you make a plan, God laughs. If you make two plans, God smiles"
This made me laugh with God. 
i found this in a concluding chapter of Cass Sunstein's "Worst-Case Scenario" book, which explains how choice theory should approach disasters and irreversible events.
o well, if you are extremely religious, i think, this (and James L. Kugel's "How to Read the Bible") should calm you
I can give off the laminated floor; the vertical slide or the auning window; transfer the plate rack; whatever, to reconcile our differences; to keep you; to love you.
Why does history repeat itself? Why do we commit redundant mistakes even when our forefathers already told us so? Why were we continuosly hooked in vices when we already know its hazards?
Why? Ask your best teacher. Sir Experience.
He is responsible for all these repeats because he unwisely teaches us "to experience" to learn. "Be in the moment to know," he adds without knowing the recurring repercussions.
Our best teacher is after all both lovable fool and competent jerk - one who doesnt know much but is a delight and who knows a lot but is unpleasant.
The learning that Sir Experience shares with us is the same ignorance that make us repeat history and commit the same mistakes.
