Fag You, Too

Most people thought I am gay. I even once heard my boss said I was only pretending (atik-atik, to specifically quote) to be straight.

I already went through this identification and re-doing it after my gay boss handed me yesterday 2 pink films—Shelter and The Making of Me: John Barrowman.

Of course, I am straight was my quick reserve.

Shocks! I hope am not after the 2 films.

So, I watched.

Shelter was a fiction film of a teen becoming gay. The film was nice and honestly, I smiled on 1 bed scene and their happy homo moments. My smile could definitely confirm your doubts, but I am reserving my laugh.

The documentary The Making of Me was more revealing of my sexuality at the quest of whether sexuality (homosexuality, per se) is nurtured or born.

I reflected every test that John Barrow undertook.

Test 1: I am gay because I have gaydar (gay radar). Gays, they say, can detect gays.

Test 2: I am straight because I have a perfect sexual arousal on women. Though I occasionally tried staring (not look) at nude male photos that caught my eye, I always ended un-aroused.

Test 3: I am gay because I had a distant absent father and was a mother’s boy. Theories say gay men often have such fathers and overbearing mothers.

Test 4: I am straight because I played cars, guns and other boy toys. I never liked my sisters’ toys. Though I admit, I played bahay-bahayan. Believe me, I wanted to be the husband of my crush—a girl, of course. I was gender conforming. I played what boys ought to play. Moreover, according to child psychologists, gender nonconforming often ended up homosexuals.

Test 5: I am gay because I score high in spatial skill tests. The university who tested John found that gays equally scored high with females.

Test 6: I am straight because I am not wordy, verbose and good in word skill tests. Gays are verbose

Test 7: I am straight because I have ring fingers longer than my index. It is studied that females often have equal or almost equal ring and index fingers. Moreover, longer ring fingers meant more testosterone.

Test 8: I am straight because I do not have older brother/s. Well, the probability of men becoming gay is high when you have more older brothers.

So, here goes my reserved laugh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Though I did not test my chromosome to be similar with my sisters and mother, the facts are clear(er). I AM AFFIRMATIVE STRAIGHT. 5 straights-3 gays!